Thursday, 21 September 2017

I made it! I am at University and currently sat in my student flat with my 4 flat mates, on my 5th day living and studying in Bournemouth. 

Back in February I finally made my mind up and decided to apply to University after 3 years of not knowing what to do. Everything slotted into place, I chose Bournemouth and before I knew it I was packing up all of my things and making the 4 hour journey from Cornwall to Bournemouth. 

I couldn't be happier that I took that massive leap of faith and went for it. For every year after I finished college, I applied to go to University and always withdrew my application because it wasn't right and I wasn't ready, I wrote all about this in my 'I Put my Life on Hold for 3 Years' post and all about why I took such a long gap. 

All my flat mates and I moved in on the weekend and we have been into uni and been out and its been so good. I was really worried about my anxiety but it has been fine and I think I have been so lucky with my flat mates as they are all pretty chilled out. 

We'd moved into a pretty grubby flat and don't quite look at the walls or floor for too long  because it is all unidentifiable and I don't even want to think about it too much, it's there, it is what it is. 

Apart from that I have been into Uni for 2 days for introductory lectures, so I met a few of my course mates, and the best thing about uni is that you can just talk to anyone and become friends with them straight away because everyone is in the same boat. 

I will try and update this blog as much as possible!

Thankyou for reading and I will see you soon,

from Beth xxx


Wednesday, 13 September 2017

(As always an irrelevant photo from a walk the other day- but fuck it I'll include Autumn in this favourites.)

This is going to be a bit different from my previous favourites blog posts, I don't even think I am going to include any beauty... I know.

These are just going to be some of the random things I can't get enough of right now and I think you need to get involved too.

To kick things off, it has to be my ultimate binge this Summer, My Dad Wrote a Porno *pause for applause*

I love podcasts and listen to them as I get ready in the morning, but this one beats them all. I know I'm late to the party as it is one of the top charted podcasts but I was always like wtf is that but when I finally gave it a listen I was hooked. I don't even know how much context I want to give you because I had none and it was perfect. 

There is 3 books in total and each is read out and commented on a chapter at a time, in between the chapters are footnotes, where they have celebrities like Nicholas Hoult & Michael Sheen on to talk about it. It is literal pure gold and I am worried what I'm going to listen to once I reach the end of this series.

Ok, ok before you say anything, I was too was devastated when it got shipped over to Channel 4, but I still love it, I mean come on, Noel Fielding, need I say more? Anything where I get to watch Noel Fielding AND cake every week has got my vote. 

Letter's to my Fanny by Cherry Healy has been one of the best books I have read this year. If you liked Caitlin Moran's How to be a Woman (who didn't?!) then you will love this too. I read this in 2 days and then forced my friend's to read it too, I am loving like that.

Another programme I haven't been able to stop watching is It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. 
My friend recommended I watched it and managed to convince me after she told me each episode was only 20 minutes long, I know that's great, but means totally binge worthy. It is just hilarious and I love Charlie, each episode is completely ridiculous and I love it. 

 I am also loving Hozier's album, especially Cherry Wine, which I thought was super beautiful song until I looked it up and realised it was bit more sinister but I still love the song and have had it on repeat for days. It is very easy listening and I love this type of acoustic music, it has vibes of Ed Sheehan and Bon Ivor. 

I downloaded the headspace app after going to hypnotherapy and my friend also recommend it to me. It just helps you to relax for 5 minutes where it talks you through some guided meditation and explains how to feel at ease with stress and your thoughts. I don't use it everyday but I still like it and find it really useful.

Other random things I have been loving recently is Peppermint tea, you will definitely feel healthy after drinking that shit let me tell ya. Specsavers, also great. Got a new pair of glasses for £25, pretty impressed with that. Ur what else is floating my boat right now.. biscuits, biscuits are great. 

What are you enjoying this month, anything random like me that you need to get off your chest? Thanks for reading as always! 

From, Beth xx

Hypnotherapy & Anxiety

Monday, 11 September 2017

I mentioned in a post a few weeks ago that I had begun hypnotherapy to help with my anxiety. I wanted to share the experience with you.

I have always had a phobia of being sick, which has resulted in having OCD in the past, however I never really think it left, which in turn has manifested into panic attacks and anxiety. I could always manage it, as best I could, I would have a panic attack but could calm myself down, until 2015. I came out of a horrible emotionally abusive relationship, and one day anxiety just hit me like a tonne of bricks and I haven't been the same since.

It just spiralled out of control after that, I have documented some of my experiences on this blog, I find writing things down and talking to people in similar circumstances really helps. The best way I articulated how I felt was in My Letter to Anxiety.  It was like a constant tug of war, I wanted to do so many things but my anxiety was cruel and stopped me, if I did, I would have to leave early, and would have panic attack on top of panic attack. The worst moment for me was a night when I paced back and forth in my room, I was panicking so much I had made myself sick with worry which in turn made me feel worse, it was one of the worst nights of my life and all I had done was go for a few drinks with my friends.

It basically started to control my life, and it was so scary that I would do anything not to feel the consequences of it.

As you can imagine, no one wants to live in constant fear of your own mind/body, I wanted to get better so I looked into my options and settled on hypnosis. Two of my friend's have had it before and swore to me that it helped them, and I was about to give anything a go, so I found someone local and booked an appointment. 

I had 4 sessions overall, and today was my last one. 

Before, I was so nervous about going along, I was worried I would change too much, I couldn't imagine living without anxiety and a phobia, I have thought in a particular way for such a long time, it's hard to imagine thinking in any other way. 

Throughout the sessions, you talk through different ways of thinking and approaching a situation. They help you to understand why you may feel a certain way and look into the way the mind works and how we basically have to reprogram it. So whatever is pushing you over into a panic attack will no longer look scary and will be bearable.

The actual hypnosis feels like you are asleep, you are still conscious and aware of your own thoughts but it sort of feels cloudy in your mind. For me, my body felt heavy, like that feeling when you are really relaxed before waking up. 

I have found the techniques I have been taught to be really useful, although I haven't really used them in practise yet because I haven't been in the position of feeling super anxious. 
I do feel though that if I was to be I would find it easier to calm down without having a panic attack. It has made me feel much more confident about dealing with stressful situations and I am glad I did it. 

Also, I have also been using the Headspace app and still have medication for my anxiety.

I wouldn't say I am cured, I don't really know if anxiety, phobia & OCD ever really gets 'cured' but it can be managed and it doesn't need to control your life.

Let me know any therapies you have chosen or if you would consider hypnotherapy because I find it really interesting. 

Also if you would like to ask me anymore questions at all about my experience then feel free to DM me on twitter :)

Thankyou for reading and I will keep you all updated!

Beth x


Saturday, 9 September 2017

Let's jump back to 2014. I was lost. I had left college, I hadn't applied to university and was trying to work 2 jobs at once. I was in a horrible toxic relationship, as a result I didn't have many friends and because of him I did what he wanted me to do, and that's why I put my life on hold. 

I worked these two jobs, one was so boring that I eventually handed my notice in, and on the day I left I accidentally flooded the kitchen. Within a few weeks, my other job told me they had no hours for me. I then manically applied for jobs like there was no tomorrow, whilst everyone I went to school & college with headed off to uni. 

I got a job as a temp and worked weddings and in posh restaurants, polishing dishes & then eating left over mash at the end of the evening. I hated this stage in my life and didn't have any direction in my life whatsoever. Thankfully I managed to get a part time job as a Sales Assistant at a new shop that was opening at Christmas and I have been there ever since. 

My initial goal was to stay in that job for 6 months as I had had so many jobs that were temporary so my CV did not look very good. 

 Thankfully at the same time I finally managed to get out of the relationship I was in, I got to rekindle some of my old friendships and made loads of new ones at my new job. 

I actually had no plan, I worked almost every day and didn't plan much further than a few weeks in advance. I knew at the time I was just bobbing along, just waiting for something else to happen but was pretty content where I was. 

Every year I applied to go to University but it didn't feel right & I wasn't ready to leave work, my home and my family. I took things in my own pace, and in the meantime set up this blog so I could talk about everything that was on my mind, I liked that it gave me something to concentrate on!

During 2015, my anxiety spiralled so far out of control I found it really difficult to go out and sometimes work was really hard for me as I would be driving there and just want to turn back and go to bed. 

For the following 2 years, I haven't really done anything, I feel like I haven't achieved anything, I have just been looking after myself and giving myself time to think about what I was going to do next. 

But this week I am taking the biggest leap of faith I never thought was possible back in 2014/2015. I actually am heading to University. I am so happy to finally be moving forward in my life. Although I have enjoyed some of the past 3 years, I am looking forward to closing the door on it and looking towards the future. 

I finally feel like I am making the right decision and that I am ready.
I wrote this post, to let anyone reading this that it is OK to give yourself a time out, you don't need to have everything figured out every minute of your life. You don't have to do everything the same time as everyone else, and sometimes you just need to do what's best for you, not what's expected of you.

I will write a proper post about my University adventure, I have been so secretive about it as I have been so worried incase something went wrong or I backed out again, but I haven't and this time in a week I will be there! It seems like everything has slotted into place the way it was meant to, and maybe everything happens for a reason and I was right not to force myself into anything before.

Thank you all for staying with me during this time and offering me support even when you didn't know you were giving it, I will still blog as much as I can as it is what I love to do.

Thankyou for reading and I will see you when I am at Uni!

Beth x



Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Back in May, one of my work friend's convinced us all to sign up to Pretty Muddy, a 5k Race For Life in September. In the months that followed we all raised money seemed to do as little training as possible "we'll just wing it, we'll be fine..."

I have always wanted to run a race for life and raise money for Cancer Research as I lost both my Grandparents to cancer. 

Every day leading up to Sunday, we were checking the weather forecast hoping for some miracle, but on the day, it rained so heavily, the roads were actually flooded before we even arrived. There was no doubt that we were going to get extremely muddy. 

Our race was at 10.30am, and within minutes of being out of the car it was raining so much that our clothes were already soaked through. We then had to do a warm up, before counting down to start our race, we tactfully positioned ourselves at the back so we didn't have the humiliation of everyone else overtaking us. 

We had to run through muddy fields, and as we thought that was bad enough it was nothing compared to the obstacles. We had to bounce on space hoppers, give each other piggy backs, swim through mud, slide through muddy tunnels, under nets, over climbing walls and do press ups in the mud, all the time being rained on, having buckets of mud chucked over us and water pistols directed right at us. 

Even this picture doesn't show how muddy I really was, it was in my trainers, literally in my pants and caked into my hair. 

But I did it! I am so happy that I decided to do it and will definitely do it again. Together we raised £414.81 all together as a team, which is a huge achievement and a lot to donate to Cancer Research. 

If the opportunity came up for any of you to do a Race For Life I would definitely recommend you do it, even though you get mud everywhere, it is so worth it!

Thankyou for reading as always!

Speak soon, B xxx



Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Hello again! Long time no see. I have been so busy- I know I say that every time, sorry!
Like every year, Summer is always crazy at work because we have our end of season sale which means we're at work every day getting ready for a week of chaos. 
This year I was lucky enough to have my best friend come and work with us for 2 weeks. At the time I was also training for a 5k run, so its safe to say I was exhausted and by the time sale was over, I came down with the worst cold ever and didn't leave my bed for 3 days. 

I have also started hypnotherapy for anxiety which is going really well, and have one session left, I have wanted to share the experience with you and when its over I will write a post all about it.

I have also just been trying to enjoy Summer in Cornwall and making the most of it before I move away in September (more on that later.) Even though the weather has been terrible, we have gone on a few walks around the coast and on the moors. 

Last week, my friend and I managed to get tickets for Boardmaster's, a festival in Newquay not far from us, so we put on our glitter and wellies and went down for the day. 

I was apprehensive about going, as my anxiety has stopped me in the past and the thought of festivals and going out does scare me, but I was fine and had a really good time. We saw Stormzy and Alt-J who were amazing. 
The festival had really upped it's game this year too and there was so many other events going on including this underground bit when you have to go through tunnels to different tents, it was really cool, I already want to go back next year, its still a relatively small festival and I love it! If you ever have the chance to go I 100% recommend it!

There has also been events going on in our village, and we finally found the time to go down last week and listen to some music and eat cheesy chips by the river. My friend is about to go to Slovakia for 4 years so we are just spending our time together before she leaves which has been bitter sweet. I know she will do amazingly well and I have my own stuff planned, but I will definitely miss her after spending the whole summer with her.

Apart from that I have been homeware shopping, Asda I love you! 
I have so many post ideas written down I just need to form them into something worth reading, sometimes I just can't get into the right frame of mind when there is so much going on.. please bare with me :D 

Also one last thing, I have been binge listening to My Dad Wrote a Porno podcast, I recommend it to anyone who needs a laugh and something to listen to as you get ready in the morning, you wont regret it. I'm late to the party, so you might have already listened to it, I just need to make sure my mum doesn't accidentally over hear me listening to it....

What have you guys been up to recently? Hope you're all ok!

Beth xx


Thursday, 13 July 2017

As a 16 year old, I was badly applying fake tan, walking over to my friends house in my socks, drinking tea before spitting it out from laughing too much, avoiding doing any school work, and tie dying all my clothes pink. I made some mistakes as a teenager, as everyone does, so I have written down my advice I have learnt the hard way. 

1. Look after your skin. You know what, you need to moisturise, and sun cream is your friend. Don't trust anyone who tells you baby oil works as sun cream & will help you get a tan. Take it from my friend who ended up in A&E, it ain't pretty. Also sudocrem is great for spots, I'll tell you what isn't great for spots, is sticking pins in them, squeezing them & over scrubbing your face. Get yourself to Lush or The Body Shop and ask them what they recommend. Also spots don't last forever, its just hormones being a bitch. 

2. Drinking cheap white wine through a straw will make you sick. Again, people love to tell you otherwise, cut to 4 hours later when have projectile vomited on your bathroom floor. 

3. No one actually walks in heels AND is comfortable. The two just don't go hand in hand, You will never hear someone say ' God! These heels are a dream! I will wear this every day!' Wear flats babe, you'll thank me later. 

4. Wear your retainer, if you have one. For the love of God, wear your retainer! Stop telling yourself your teeth won't move because they will, then you will cry and remember the time when you're teeth were straight and how you wished you had worn it. I am of course talking from personal experience and now facing a huge dentist bill if I want to fix them (again!)

5. You don't have to do what everyone else is doing. You find it boring, don't waste time trying to be cool. Embrace the stuff you love & be yourself, then people will love you for you really are, and you'll have the best time. 

6. Get insurance. Yeah alright a bit of a boring one, but when you, hungover, go to put your phone in your pocket, miss, and it hits the cold hard pavement, you will be fucked

7. Keep a diary. You are going through one of the hardest, yet most hilarious time of your life. Write entires whenever you feel like it, you're older self will be so thankful you did, memories are the best and its so interesting to look back at your point of view from when you were younger. 

8. Body confidence is a tricky one. You may not be totally 100% satisfied with your body (yet!). One of the biggest lessons I learnt, was that I can't change my skeleton. I can't make my legs longer, I can't make myself taller. So instead, find the clothes that suit you best, tell yourself your boobs are great, your legs are fabulous, and that you are beautiful. Stop worrying, you don't know how amazing you look!

9. Cystitis is a bitch, and to be avoided at all costs. Go for a wee straight after having sex. I am telling you now, straight away. I sat in minor injuries, in my work uniform, crying, as a nurse examined my wee and prescribed me antibiotics for a week. 

10. You don't need to have it all figured out. It doesn't matter if you don't have an opinion on everything. Or know what you're going to study at uni, or if you even want to go to uni. Just because everyone else is doing one thing doesn't mean you have to as well. Use your time to learn about yourself, what you enjoy, who you want to be friends with. Experience life, don't let it just happen to you. 

11. Forget about being 'pretty'. I dread to think how many hours and how much money I spent on clothes that didn't suit me, because someone else looked cool in them, or trying to do my hair in a certain way because everyone on instagram was going it in that way. Re define what you think is pretty. Unfollow those accounts which make you feel insecure, buy that jumper because it keeps you warm and wear bright pink lipstick because you love it! Be pretty funny, pretty clever, pretty kind, pretty confident, pretty badass.

12. Be friends with boys. I was amongst a few friendship groups in school, and whilst I had my best friends who were girls, I also had a few best friends who were boys and I learnt so much from them. You know what, they can't be bothered to listen to the gossip, instead they'll play fruit ninja with you or air guitar to blink 182, and give you iced gems to make you feel better. They are just your mate, who won't talk about you behind your back or criticise a dress you wore (not saying all girls are like, neither are all boys, but they make good friends and you can do stupid stuff with them without worrying about being judged)

13. Talcum powder is a great alternative for dry shampoo in emergency situations. 

14. Products & advertising is designed to make you feel insecure and inadequate without them hence getting you to spend money on them. When in reality you don't need it and they put a lot of effort in to making it seem like the best thing ever and you need it in your life. They could make you buy a cat poo if they put over the right music and said the right things. For example, diet tea's (they make you have the shits) fanny deodorant (its self cleaning, who knew?!) its all a big con to make money.

15. Most importantly, have fun & do stupid stuff. There are these great things called anecdotes that you tell your mates in the pub. At the time, it may have been the stupidest thing you've ever done, but it will make a great story later, remember that. Forget about trying to impress people, be young and carefree, because before you know it you will be a 'real' adult and have to pay bills and do boring stuff like go to work. Lastly, nobody actually has 'their shit together' its all just a big lie, we're all just pretending. 

Thankyou for reading, feel free to share this post if you liked it. 

Beth xx


Monday, 10 July 2017

Last week I took so many pictures, and seen as I haven't done a weekly round up post for a while I thought I would put one together for you. 

Sorry I haven't blogged very much, I have been feeling pretty under the weather when I haven't been at work, I keep going back to bed because of headaches, not fun!

I'll start the week on Sunday because that was the day after my tunes in the dunes post.

We spent the day wondering around Eden in the sun. 
My mum's best friend had come with us to stay, so we took the opportunity to show her around Cornwall, and of course it involved a Cornish pasty for lunch.  Forgotten how much I love these!

On Monday, I took my friend to work with me because she had an induction to come and work with us for a bit. To celebrate her getting a job, we went out for coffee and cake at this amazing cafe called Strong Adolfos, if you're ever near Wadebridge you need to go there!

That evening we went to go and see Baby Driver & it was amazing! Probably one of the best films I have ever seen, if you haven't seen it yet you need to! 

It turns out I didn't take any photos on Tuesday but I went for a run in the morning, then we did a HIIT workout, made tuna pasta for lunch & Love Island, I know, I gave in. 

On Wednesday, we headed to St Ives for a spa day, my mum found a 'good deal' and we got super lost and ended up being late for our treatments. It was such a hot day and we spent the day there before heading into the town for some dinner. St Ives is one of my favourite places in Cornwall, even though it's about 2 hours away from me, I wish I could go there more often.

On Thursday, we went to give blood. I had never done it before but signed up a few months ago, I had to wait for ages because my height / weight wasn't right or something. It was a really nice experience and only lasted about 10 minutes and didn't hurt. I was really worried I would have a panic attack but I was fine and I will definitely do it again. 
I didn't want to show you a picture of a needle, so here is some peonies I brought myself afterwards. I love them!

I worked all day on Friday but before I went in, I visited my friend in her coffee shop and she made me a hot chocolate and we tried to fill out all the games in the free newspaper.

The weekend finally arrived and it was so sunny. We started the day going for a run, doing another HIIT workout (they are bloody hard!) eating strawberries & yoghurt and then going to the beach. 
We went to Caerhays beach, which is on the Roseland Peninsula, a really beautiful part of Cornwall. They have a beach cafe, so we had lunch, the food was amazing and they had music playing, it was like being on holiday. 

Then I was back at work on Sunday and I am in pretty much every day this week as we have a sale on, I'll see you on the other side!

How's your week been?

Thankyou for reading, Beth xxx